So Creamy

            The ice cream truck rolled down Acorn St at 4:08 pm, like it did every Tuesday and Thursday, blaring that same old ice cream truck song that sends all the kids into violent frenzies (not quite the same as ‘friendsies’, mind you).  Within seconds, children and their parents rushed to the sidewalk, the children vibrating with excitement, and the parents looking for solace in their wallets.  The truck of frozen goodies stopped, and everyone rushed forward, forming the customary blob of people, rather than the single-file line that would have made a lot more sense.

            “Good day, everyone! What’ll it be? Do you want something new and exciting?” The ice cream truck driver opened up the side of his truck and announced his business to everyone, and the kids yelled their yearning for new things, especially the exciting ones.  They were so excited.

            “I just made a bunch of this flavor that no one else has, and you guys are gonna be the first to try it! This is so awesome!” The driver knew how to pump up a crowd of toddlers and children, that was certain.  With a flourish, he pointed at the sign above his window.

            “Get your vampire dicks!  They’re cold, they’re hard, they’re satisfying! Guaranteed to taste better than Father Brian’s dick, and with none of the guilt or associated therapy!”  His mirthful laughter began to clash quite obviously with the horrified glares from the adults.  None of the kids got it, except for Little Johnny, of course, who laughed his ass off, as well, so they all started staring at the driver and at Johnny.

            “Excuse me, sir,” one of the parents said, his voice obviously restraining the verbal thrashing he wanted to give the driver, “but my name is Brian, and I have two children. I find your insinuation that I engage in sexual acts with minors to be incredibly offensive, not to mention the name of your new product. “ Brian paused to breathe for a second, and the driver’s laughter got a bit more hysterical (“YOU’RE Brian?! Baaahahahaha!! Watch out, kids!”).  “I am almost speechless, but I have to ask you, why did you think this was a good idea to sell to children?” Brian concluded his question with his arms crossed over his chest. 

            “Oh come, now, Brian. Is it really that bad to want a break from all the routine?” The driver spoke in between dying bouts of laughter, “I was just trying to fix some boredom around here, and I think these are doing just the trick, don’t you? I did it on a dare.”

            “Oh, really,” Brian asked. “Who dared you? You must have sick friends, and I feel sorry for them. I truly do. If this is how you get off.”

            “I did.”

            “You did what?”

            “I dared me to do it! Like I said, trying to break up some boredom,” the driver said. “But if you aren’t happy with my services, I’ll go somewhere else. Good day!” Without further ado, the ice cream truck fled the scene, and many a child in that neighborhood bothered their parents for vampire dicks for the following week.