Kneeling creek

“A woman is kneeling beside a creek, searching the murky water with her hands.” Tom heard from over his shoulder.

            “What the hell are you babbling to me about?” he asked, never bothering to look directly at his buddy.  I take this kid out for a nice, quiet day in the wilderness. A NICE. QUIET day… what’s so hard to understand about those two words? Tom mumbled nothing in particular as he shoved his hands back into his pockets, and kept walking.

            “I said, a woman is kneeling beside a creek, searching the murky water with her hands! Where’d she come from? What’s her name? Is she fishing? I always wondered if women fished in their free time, or if it was just men. She wasn’t wearing shoes, either. That’s weird. Why wouldn’t someone wear shoes? Do you think she’s one of those hippy people? What’s her name? You should go tal-“

            “Ho, wait! Wait a second there, little friend. We need to take care of something first. I have a question for you, before I answer any of the butt-ton of questions you just threw at me. I found this in my pack a minute or two ago, and… I can’t remember what this is. Smell it, just take a wiff, and tell me… Does this smell like chloroform to you?” Tom asked as he deftly held a hanky to his friend’s nose.

            “Chloro what?” the smaller one managed to sputter right before falling to the ground, unconscious.

            “That’s why we don’t ask questions, you get so curious your God-damn consciousness wonders why it has to stay with you. Now, go the fuck to sleep!” Tom giggled a bit under his breathe at that last bit. Redundancy was always funny to him. Always. As he picked up his unconscious border collie, he started wondering where he had left the truck. It was about time to get home, anyway. There was no point to being out here anymore, and what if there really was a woman out there, playing in the creek? Talking with dogs wasn’t exactly common practice, even out here. Most people didn’t even know they spoke English. But we know better, don’t we? Tom thought to himself, wandering back through the woods. After about an hour, Tom wondered if they had even rode the truck into the woods. By this time, the dog was regaining consciousness, and had figured out what had happened.

            “You ass! Guess who’s getting peed on tonight? Remember, I know where you sleep.”

            “You had it coming, dog. You knew you were being annoying.”

            “What? She was pretty! You would have liked her, if you’d have just given her the chance! She smelled nice, too. You definitely deserve getting peed on, you can’t say you don’t. Who drugs a dog, especially their dog? What the hell, man?”

            “You act like it’s the first time!”

            “That wasn’t the first time?! What have you done to me?”

            “Ah, don’t worry about it. You didn’t have any of the bad side effects, just the ones I wanted.”

            “What about that time my eyes turned green? You never told me what happened there.”

            “Oh, yeah. That… That actually was bad. I was worried about that. Sorry.”

            “I need some bacon SO BAD! You have no idea how much pee you’re gonna be swimming in some day soon. You just wait. One day… pisssssssssssss”