Delicacies Devoured

            Fernando quivered with anticipation in the janitor’s closet. Though there was no light in the small room, he knew that Anastasia was brimming with excitement for what the evening held in store for them. With a gloved hand, he reached out and pulled her head towards his, and whispered, “Are you ready?”

            “Yes.”

            “You brought the alcohol?”

            “Of course.”

            “The gags?”

            “I never leave home without them, Fern, you know that.”

            “True, true. I’ve got the Zippos and everything else. Here we go.”

            With that, they burst into the Hilton hotel’s kitchen that they had snuck into, and attacked the kitchen staff.  Anastasia went straight for the incoming waiters, smashing their heads and necks with the very trays they brought in. Meanwhile, Fernando grabbed a small skillet from the nearest stove and a knife from the magnetic strip on the wall above it, and stabbed the cooks to death. The skillet was used as a shield to protect from the cooks’ knives, and any plates that sailed his way from Anastasia’s onslaught. As the kitchen staffs’ screams shot through the first floor, more waiters and attendants came to see what the commotion was about, and more waiters and attendants fell victim to Anastasia’s violent wrath.  Fernando found the security office connected to the office, killed the officer there in much the same way as he disposed of the cooks, and turned off the security alarms before they were even sounded.

            When people quit coming in the kitchen doorway, Anastasia turned and called to Fernando, “We’re good to go!” He ran out of the security office, threw the knife into a deep fryer, and ran out the door with Anastasia following immediately behind. When they reached the foyer, Anastasia dropped to her knees and pulled 6 bottles of everclear from her backpack. As she uncorked them, Fernando stuffed a rag in the top of each bottle. They then called the main elevator down, and it opened a few seconds later. Fernando smiled approvingly at the plush velvet walls inside the elevator, and lit two of the newly made Molotov cocktails.  Anastasia pressed the Floor #4 button, and ran out of the elevator as Fernando threw the Molotovs inside. 

            The two took the other elevator to the ballroom on the second floor. As soon as the elevator doors opened, Fernando and Anastasia had lit the rest of the Molotovs, and threw all four of them at the politicians and aristocrats that they had caught in the dastardly act of eating dinner. Amid the screams and demands of an explanation, the pair closed the elevator doors and went back down to the first floor. Fernando set the elevator’s walls on fire before exiting it, and both he and Anastasia sat and enjoyed the sight of the doors closing on the growing flames.

            “Now those, Anastasia,” Fernando said with a content sigh, ”are what I would call the delicacies of a ruined evening.”

            Anastasia sat still, searching for words, for a moment. “That was… amazing. Deliciously demented, darling. Doomy doom does wonders for dull evenings, does it not? But why did you ask if I had brought the gags?”

            Fernando chuckled, leaned back, and said, “Now, that’s for my favorite part. For our grand exit, we’re going to put those gags on ourselves, strip down to absolutely nothing but those gags, and run out of hotel trying to scream bloody fucking murder through the gags.”

            “Sounds fun, but why?”

            “Why not?”