I sat and waited

I sat and waited, anticipating the night.  What exactly I was anticipating, I didn’t quite know at that point, but I felt as though this night would be something to be remembered.  As I sat on the park bench, I contemplated the rather unextraordinary day that had preceded this very moment.  I had lunch at Larry’s bar, again. It was Tuesday, after all, and that’s what I do on Tuesdays.  My suit had started out clean and pressed, but had become stained with rust and smelled of smog. I still felt the urge to shiver when I looked at Tyler, never did narrow down why. It’s just one of those things, I guess.

As I sat there, almost completely caught in my own head, a shadow passed through my field of view.  Something laughed behind me. That’s new, I thought to myself. Bushes don’t normally laugh at me. I turned around, and was surprised by the chupacabra sitting Indian-style behind the bench. He (I guess it was a ‘he’, how do you determine a chupacabra’s gender, anyway?) continued to laugh as he took a drag from the biggest joint I had ever seen.

“Wha… What are you doing here? And why do you smoke?” I couldn’t help but ask. I tried to think of something a bit more relevant to say, like “HOLY SHIT, it’s a chupacabra! Save yourselfs, hobos!” but it just wasn’t coming to me. I stared at the thing, confounded as to why it even existed. The smell of the weed hadn’t quite registered in my brain at that point.

“I’ve been watching you.” The chupacabra croaked, with a bemused tone. “You have a cell phone, right? If you order me a pepperoni and anchovy pizza, and get it delivered here, I’ll let you take a picture of me and sell it.”

            “… What’s to stop me from taking a picture of you without getting you a pizza?” I half mumbled to him, reaching for my phone.
            “I’ll fucking kill you, that’s what’s stopping you. And you know it.” The chupacabra’s face changed from bemused to deadly serious, which struck me as odd, considering how much weed he was smoking. It was kind of scary, actually. I’ve never been threatened for pizza before, and I couldn’t help but feel that this was a milestone in my life.
            “Ok, but just this once. No more free pizza after this one.” I said after a short internal deliberation. I later learned that the creature’s real name was Jiroyminuporfduiploploploplo Jr, but no one ever really called him that. Chupacabra was much easier for me to remember, and Jake was even easier than that. He was ok with me calling him Jake, but we never really hung out after that.